Some brides and grooms can’t imagine their special day without the children in their lives, while others are concerned about little folks stealing attention or destroying the cake. Either choice comes with benefits and challenges, so the key is to be prepared.
Including Children
Find something for them to do. Create a kids’ corner or table. Depending on the ages of the children, activities might include coloring books, building blocks, books and games. Kid-friendly snacks will help avoid hunger-induced crankiness. If there are just a few young people, disposable cameras may be fun for them and may provide some humorous wedding memories for the bride and groom. Don’t forget to provide child-appropriate meals and drinks.
Keep a sense of humor. Kids are unpredictable. Flower girls may freeze before walking down the aisle, ring bearers may drop their pillows. Other children may run screaming by just as the couple says their vows. Rather than getting angry or upset, remember that a marriage is full of unpredictable moments and being able to find humor in potentially stressful events is important. Be prepared to laugh off the antics of the littlest guests and to move ahead with the ceremony.
Assign a “keeper.” This has two parts. First, ask an adult to be on “kid patrol” during the ceremony. Ideally, this would be someone who is well-respected in the family. Their role is to gently ask parents to remove children who are screaming or being disruptive during the ceremony. This is risky, as an angry parent can be significantly more disruptive than their child, but it can be helpful if there are a lot of babies/toddlers present. The second part is to ask some responsible teens, or even pre-teens to help keep the younger children engaged during the ceremony. This can include anything from dancing to reading stories and doing activities.
Including No Children, or Just a Few Younger Guests
Expect people to be upset. While many guests may be delighted at the prospect of an outing without the kids, others may be insulted or outraged. It is possible that even close friends and relatives may refuse to attend the ceremony as a result. Try to avoid engaging in an argument. Simply let the guests know that they will be missed.
Be clear up front. Inform guests as early as possible. Include the language “Adult only ceremony and reception” in all of the wedding correspondence, starting with the save-the-date cards, if applicable. This gives guests plenty of time to make some important decisions and arrangements. If there are certain children included, but not others, make that clear as well. It will prevent hurt feelings on the day of the wedding
Be prepared to stand your ground. Do not give in to one guest after refusing to accommodate another. This will only result in anger and resentment at your wedding.
Finding a Compromise
Hire a SItter. If there are a lot of out-of-town guests, or even local guests with families, consider hiring a sitter to occupy the kids during the ceremony and/or reception. This is a possible compromise, allowing the adults to enjoy the event, while the children have fun in their own way. Keep in mind, however, that some parents may not be comfortable leaving their children, especially infants, with a strangers.
Children add a certain whimsy to a wedding ceremony, but there are plenty of reasons to keep the party “adults-only.” Once the couple has made their decision, the key is to communicate clearly with guests, prepare for the possibility of drama (with or without the kids), and focus on enjoying the wedding day.
